Browns v. Texans

The 4-11 Cleveland Browns take on the 5-10 Houston Texans today, and if you still care, I truly pity you. Sure, I'm going to watch today's game, but only because it's a habit. The good news is that Season From Hell VIII really is all over after this week, and you don't have to watch them any more until next season.

When I looked around the Stadium last week, I couldn't believe that there were at least 50,000 fans who decided to spend their hard-earned money and their entire Christmas Eve afternoon on this truly awful football team. I don't want to get all Boston Red-socky on you, but you guys really deserve a lot better than this group of clowns, and Joe Jurevicius as much as said that after last Sunday's disaster. Still, we've all got to remember that William Munny was dead-on when he told Little Bill that "deserve's got nothin' to do with it" right before he blew his head off.

I honestly don't know what to say about this game. Texans' MLB DeMeco Ryans, who has 3.5 sacks and ranks second in the league with 145 tackles, should be a lock for NFL Defensive Player of the Year. There might be some entertainment value in watching him eat Jerome Harrison. I also suppose it might be kind of fun to watch Ron Dayne (no, seriously, Ron Dayne) slam into the Browns makeshift defensive line. Dayne, who underachieved for several seasons in New York, has apparently found a home in Houston. He rushed for a career high 153 yards last week against the pathetic Colts' defense and is currently serving as an inspiration to fat men everywhere.

When you're looking at the Browns, you'll probably get a chance to see several guys you've never seen before and may never see again. Obviously, there's Ken Dorsey, but he's far from the only backup who will see substantial playing time today. Who would have thought we'd see the day when both Babatunde Oshinowo and Travis Wilson were active for the same game? Rob Smith is likely to start ahead of the always banged-up Joe Andruzzi, which means that Isaac Sowells is only one tweaked knee away from hitting the playing field.

You know, it would be the perfect capper on this season if this collection of has beens and never wasses went out and won this game, thus dropping the Browns from third to fourth in the draft. However, Houston's operating under the delusion that they've actually got a promising future, so my guess is that they'll get the job done.

Texans 27, Browns 14.

I was thinkin' about...

Why Can't the Buckeyes Figure Out the Rules?

What is it about the Buckeyes and the NCAA? It seems that they can't get through a season without at least one dust-up involving members of the football team and the NCAA rule book. Saturday's benefit dinner for the families of Antonio Pittman, Chris Wells, Lawrence Wilson and De'Angelo Haslam is the latest incident to suggest that there's an ongoing problem with Ohio State's compliance progam.

Of course, before we come down too hard on the Buckeyes for this latest faux pas, let's remember that the spectacle of some of the nation's top college football players running away from their own benefit dinner like they were at a crack house that was about to be raided is something that could only happen in the hypocritical madhouse created by the NCAA's rule book.

When it comes to the money made from big time college athletics, the NCAA's guiding principle is that everybody gets to feed at the trough except the guys who make it possible. As far as the NCAA is concerned, it's okay for Ohio State, the Big Ten, and the television networks to make hundreds of millions off of what these players do on a Saturday afternoon, but when it comes to an $8 a plate fund raiser for the financially hard-pressed families of Buckeye players, well, it's time to investigate this scandalous conduct.

By the way, just how many #10 Ohio State jerseys do you think were sold this Christmas? I don't know about you guys, but my youngest son received two as gifts. Now, of course, he only wanted that jersey because it was Troy Smith's number, but in the crazy world of the NCAA, Troy Smith gets bupkis for those jersey sales. Why? Well, it would taint the pristine amateurism of college sports to let Troy get compensated for his success and popularity. It's okay for everybody else to make money off of him, just not Troy himself.

And they wonder why these kids take money from boosters?

Anyway, enough about that. Regardless of how stupid and immoral the NCAA's rules are, Ohio State has to abide by them. That's why I can't imagine how something like this could happen in the first place. How can an event like this get so far along without somebody wondering whether it raised any compliance issues? If Chris Wells' mom didn't have the presence of mind to call Ohio State assistant coach Jim Bollman last Saturday, how much do you want to bet that the NCAA would figure out a way to deprive the Buckeyes of both of their tailbacks for the BCS Championship Game?

Ohio State has been able to blame some of its previous compliance troubles on out-of-control boosters and kids who made bad decisions. This is different. This event suggests that players and parents aren't sufficiently educated about NCAA rules, and that compliance procedures are lacking at Ohio State. Sure, they talk the talk down in Columbus, but a dropped ball like this shows that they still haven't figured out how to walk the walk.

It seems to me that Athletic Director Gene Smith and Coach Jim Tressel are the guys who should take the heat for this latest misstep. My guess is that Ohio State will dodge the bullet on this one, and walk away with a slap on the wrist, if anything. But it ought to be a wake up call to the Athletic Department. You guys better fix what's wrong with your compliance program before the NCAA's brown shirts fix you.

Wow!

Just when you thought the Browns couldn't get worse, they surpass expectations. They really looked like crap today against a really bad team.

The good news is that, if the season ended right now, they'd get that top five pick I predicted on day one.

Don't telephone the Rhino to wish him a merry anything. He was at the game today. Don't be surprised if he tries hari kari with one of Mrs. Rhino's cheese spreaders.

Tampa Bay is Comin' to Town

While the rest of the world sips egg nog and tracks the Jolly Ol' Elf's progress, I'll be spending my Christmas Eve at Cleveland Browns Stadium, watching the four or five Browns who aren't on injured reserve take on the mighty Tampa Bay Suckaneers. Shapes up to be the merriest Christmas ever, doesn't it? On second thought, I guess it has to be better than last Christmas Eve.

You know, it wasn't always like this. Christmas Eve has a special place in Browns' history. In fact, the Cleveland Browns won their very first NFL championship on December 24, 1950, when Lou Groza kicked a game winning 16 yard field goal with 28 seconds left to beat the Los Angeles Rams 30-28. That game is still regarded as one of the greatest post-season games in NFL history, and put the finishing touches on one of the most remarkable seasons in the history of pro sports.

But anyway, today we get Tampa.

As bad as this season has been for the Browns, it's been even worse for Tampa Bay. The Bucs are 3-11, have lost four games in a row and seven out of their last eight. Whatever you think of Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson, they both still have their spleens. The same can't be said for Tampa's starting QB Chris Simms, who lost his against Carolina last September. Since Simms went down, the Bucs have managed to put together an offense that's among the very worst in the league. Tampa Bay is averaging only 262 yards per game, which means that for the first time since the Browns' faced Oakland, they're actually playing somebody with an offense that's worse than their own.

The Bucs will also play today without their leading rusher, Carnell Williams, who has a bruised foot and didn't make the trip to Cleveland. They're pinning their hopes on QB Tim Rattay, who took over for rookie Bruce Gradkowski last week against the Bears. Rattay did seem to revive the sputtering Tampa offense last week, when he threw for 268 yards and three touchdowns in the Bucs' 34-31 overtime loss. Rattay will look for help from WR Joey Galloway, who is probably Tampa's biggest offensive threat at this point. Despite the Bucs' offensive woes, Galloway still has a shot at his second straight season with 1,000 yards in receptions.

Tampa Bay's defense is terrible. Not as terrible as Cleveland's defense, which has finally collapsed under the weight of countless injuries, but still pretty pathetic. I'm not going to waste my breath and your time saying anything more about that side of the ball.

Mercifully, today brings the Browns' home campaign to an end, and so the team's having "Thank You Cleveland Day" at the Stadium. They're giving away a truck, Super Bowl tickets and other items of "trinkets and trash." Big whoop. After eight years of this crap, you owe us a lot more than that, guys. If you really want to thank fans appropriately, then pick up our kids' college tuition--and none of this "okay, but only to an in-state school" nonsense.

I guess if you've read this far, you deserve a prediction. Do the Browns come away with a win today? Of course, because as my buddy Vinny suggests, that will hurt them a lot more than a loss. Browns 23, Tampa 17. Merry Christmas.

Nut cutting time

Okay. The Browns have stunk up the joint for the entire season. They've made season ticket holders and PSL payors feel like chumps. They've driven the local sports guys to indifference. They've even embittered the long-time, sentimental fans who actually wake up every day believing that that elusive Super Bowl is just around the corner.

Well, now they get to piss off the stat-freaks and draft-niks. They also get to make me wrong. In my first post for this season, I predicted that they'd earn a top five pick in next year's draft. The current standings show the Browns (4-10) with one of the worst six records in the NFL. So, they're right about where I thought they would be, but here's where they could really screw things up for a top five pick. Their final two games are against fellow doormats, Tampa Bay (3-11) and Houston (4-10). In true Cleveland tradition, they'll probably beat one or both in meaningless games.

Rest assured that the offensive tackle, shut down corner or quarterback that you pray the Browns will take, won't be there when they pick 8th.

Controversy? Nope. Distraction? Yes.

According to many (and I mean many) media reports, the Cleveland Browns find themselves in the midst of another QB controversy. All I can say about this seemingly annual event is, are you kidding me?

The Cleveland Browns are 4-10. The team's offense has spent most of the year looking like a bad junior varsity team, and their coach is so dumbfounded by the incompetence on display each week that all he can think to do is pace the sidelines and absentmindedly throw his challenge flag at random plays. So, in the midst of this mess, we're supposed to have a "controversy" over whether the team should go with the NFL's 25th rated passer or a guy who's gone 0-2 in the games he's started? If you ask me, the only guy in the print media who has it right is Jeff Schudel of the News Herald, who pretty much sums up the situation in his column today, when he says that the Browns may have a dilemma at the QB position, but there isn't much to choose from.

The Browns seem to generate an uncanny number of quarterback controversies. First they had the Couch and Holcomb soap opera, then Garcia and "please, God, anybody but Garcia," then Dilfer and Frye, and now Frye and Anderson. Now, while the Browns' brain trust has spent the better part of four seasons agonizing about who deserved to be first in line to place his hands underneath another man's crotch, the team's managed to compile a record of 19 wins and 43 losses.

That record tells you all you need to know about this--and every other--QB controversy that's been ginned up in this town over the past decade. When a team has gaping holes at multiple positions, the identity of the team's quarterback just doesn't matter that much in terms of wins and losses. Sure, it's interesting in the abstract to speculate about who might be a better player, but until the Browns get an offensive line that can keep the defense from sacking him six times (like the Ravens did on Sunday), whoever they choose as their starter isn't going to get a whole lot done.

Right now, for what it's worth, I think the offensive line's incompetence plays into Anderson's strengths, which are a strong arm and the ability to make quick decisions. If the Browns call a three step drop, you can bet that if Anderson's back there, he'll select a receiver and get into his throwing motion as soon as he plants that third step. Charlie Frye doesn't seem to be able to do that, perhaps because he doesn't have the cannon that Anderson has, and so isn't willing to try to rifle the ball to a receiver who is only going to be open for a step. When you couple this with Frye's injured wrist, it seems to be a no brainer to go with Anderson this week and probably next week as well.

Still, I wouldn't call what the Browns have going on a "QB controversy." I would reserve that description for situations involving proven players who unquestionably bring a high level of skill to the position. To my way of thinking, Joe Montana v. Steve Young, Phil Simms v. Jeff Hostetler, Roger Staubach v. Craig Morton, and Billy Kilmer v. Sonny Jurgensen all involved bona fide QB controversies. What the Browns have going on simply doesn't rise to that level.

This isn't a controversy, it's just the latest sideshow to distract fans from the real problem that's confronted the team for the past eight seasons--the lack of a legitimate offensive line. Until they address that problem, the outcome of this latest tempest in a teapot won't matter a damn.

Call the damn doctor.

Why is it that Browns' players keeping getting staph infections? Can't the club clean up the damn facility?

It's been whispered that LeCharles Bentley may not be ready for '07 due to damage his tendon suffered from the staph infection he contracted.

The Browns haven't released any news about this yet, but I think we can safely expect the worst.

The Browns...

...will lose big time. It won't be a fun game to watch. They'll look ugly, disoriented, and ill-prepared.



No one gets out alive.

Browns v. Ravens

The Browns travel to Baltimore today to take on the Ravens. Baltimore can clinch a playoff spot (and possibly the AFC North) with the win they're extremely likely to get, while a Cleveland loss will mean that the Browns will have posted a perfect 0-6 record against divisional foes this season.

Is there anything more infuriating to the average Browns fan than the success that the Baltimore Ravens have enjoyed? To me, the sight of Art Modell hoisting the Lombardi Trophy is even more crushing than Edgar Renteria's World Series winning 11th inning single off of Charles Nagy in 1997. After all, Edgar Renteria was just doing his job. Modell was an incompetent ass who was hell bent on passing on his franchise to his pathetic son, David "Honey" Modell. Fortunately, he failed miserably at that, just like he's failing with the efforts at revisionist history intended to get him into the Hall of Fame.

Anyway, that's all in the past, but what isn't in the past is the fact that the Baltimore Ravens continue to absolutely own the Browns. They're 10-5 against Cleveland since the team returned, including last September's heartbreaker at the Stadium. The Ravens have won six of their last seven games, and over that same stretch, Steve McNair has completed over 68% of his passes and thrown for eight touchdowns and only two interceptions. McNair spreads the ball around pretty well, as shown by the fact that Todd Heap has 59 catches, Derrick Mason has 59 catches, and Mark Clayton has 57 catches.

Baltimore's running game is nothing special. Overall, the Ravens rank near the bottom of the AFC in rushing, ahead of only Oakland and guess who? Jamaal Lewis has scored seven TDs and, with 877 yards so far, has a shot at another 1,000 yard season. But Lewis is only averaging 3.5 yards per carry and has rushed for more than 100 yards only once this season.

As always with Baltimore, the story of their success isn't the offense, it's the defense. Once again the Ravens boast the NFL's most stifling defense. In addition to leading the league in total defense, the Ravens have just about lapped the rest of the AFC when it comes to turnovers. They've created a total of 32 turnovers, nine more than the next best team in the conference, and lead the entire NFL in turnover margin with +16. (I'll give you three guesses to figure out who has the worst turnover margin in the league.)

There's nothing like playing a hot team with a great defense on their own field with your second string quarterback after a humiliating loss, is there? You know what, though? These are exactly the kind of games that the Pumpkin Helmets usually show up for. Just when the wheels appear to have come off, they throw together something that looks like a professional performance. With what Baltimore has on the line this week, I can't imagine they'll play as badly as they did the last time these two teams met. I don't think it will be particularly close, but I doubt that the Browns will be as atrocious as they were last week.

I'm going to say Baltimore 27, Cleveland 13.

Resurrecting CSU Basketball

As a loyal Cleveland sports fan, anger and frustration are my stock in trade, but as mad as I get at the shortcomings of the Browns, Indians and Cavs, I always make sure to save a little bile for Cleveland State University, and the wasteland that its basketball program has become.

It only takes a glimpse of the Wolstein Center -- the kind of facility most mid-major programs can only dream of-- to remind me of the potential that's been squandered by CSU over the years. In 1986, when Kevin Mackey's team went 27-3, and then knocked off #3 seed Indiana in what some regard as the biggest first round upset in NCAA tournament history, the future appeared to be pretty bright for CSU basketball. In fact, for the next several years, the Vikings were on a roll. They followed up their tournament success by going 25-8 in 1986-87 and 22-8 in 1987-88. The team's success allowed them to move their games from tiny Woodling Gym to the newly constructed 13,600 seat Convocation Center.

Then Kevin Mackey stumbled out of a crack house in 1990, and with the exception of a 20 win season in 1991-92, the next 15 years were pretty much all downhill. It's hard to say exactly when the program hit bottom. In addition to not having a winning season since 2000-2001, not winning a game in the Horizon League tournament ever, and not scoring a single point during the first eight minutes of last year's season-ending humiliation at the hands of Detroit Mercy, CSU fans have witnessed off the court antics like Jamaal Harris and Damon Stringer's comic opera robbery of CC Sabathia, and the fiasco surrounding Mike Garland's firing/resignation after last season.

At first glance, you've got to wonder if former Kent State coach Gary Waters knew what he was getting himself into when he accepted the Cleveland State job last April, although if you're a Viking fan, it's hard to imagine a better choice. Waters took a Kent State team that posted only one winning season in the seven years before his arrival and turned it into a powerhouse. Waters' Kent State teams posted eight straight 20 win seasons and two NCAA tournament appearances before he left for Rutgers in 2001. Although the Scarlet Knights bought out his contract at the end of last season, Waters had some notable successes in turning that program around as well.

Waters wasted little time making his mark on CSU's basketball program. Within a month of being hired, Waters signed Warrensville Heights star Joe Davis, who has averaged almost 10 points per game and ranks second on the team with 11 steals so far this year. What's probably most impressive is that Davis has done this while only averaging 20 minutes per game. Waters made several other coaching changes and roster moves after arriving at Cleveland State and has emphasized a disciplined approach on and off the court.

It's early, but the Vikings appear to be responding favorably to Waters. The team is currently 5-6 despite a brutal schedule that's included both #4 Ohio State and #18 Butler. The Vikings were crushed by both of those teams, but they have managed to upset Miami 78-67 for the school's second ever win over an ACC team, and in what may turn out to be the team's most important statement this season, Cleveland State also managed to beat Kent State 66-59.

Wins and losses aside, Cleveland State is simply playing better basketball than it has in the past, and it's showing up in the statistics. The Vikings lead the Horizon League in offensive rebounding and rank third in rebounding margin. The team ranks second in the league in free throw percentage. While the team has been getting some notable contributions off the bench from people like Joe Davis, there's not the revolving door approach to the starting lineup that plagued last year's team. In contrast to last season, when the team used 13 different starting fives, Waters has started the same five players in each of the Vikings' 11 games.

But maybe the biggest reason for optimism is that there appears to be some real talent on this team, and it's pretty young. In addition to Davis, the Vikings have sophomore forwards J'Nathan Bullock (who leads the team in scoring and was a preseason second team All-Horizon League selection) and Tristan Crawford (a former Pennsylvania AAA player of the year who had to sit out last season in order to meet eligibility requirements).

The fact that Cleveland State is in the midst of an ugly three game losing streak during which they've lost games by an average of 25 points shows that it's going to take some time to clean up the train wreck that the Vikings' basketball program has become, but for the first time in a long time, it looks like there's reason for some hope.

Today's Good News

The Browns don't play today.

They're still licking their wounds and searching for their collective manhood after Thursday's game against the Steelers.

Derek Anderson

Derek Anderson's performance was the lone bright spot in last night's embarrassment. Terry Pluto was impressed enough with what he's seen from Anderson to suggest in this morning's column that Anderson be given the chance to start next weekend against the Ravens. I couldn't agree more. Like Pluto, I'm not looking to hang a savior of the franchise tag on the guy, but Anderson's got a strong arm and a quick release, so what the hell--let's see how he does on the road against one of the NFL's best defenses. If he passes that test, maybe they've got something there.

I'm not a member of the "Charlie Frye sucks!" crowd, but let's face it, the hometown boy hasn't exactly shown enough to be viewed as a sacred cow on a team that's 4-9. So, let's see what Sideshow Bob's got.

A Toast!

Here's to another three hours of my life that I'll never get back.
Here's to another humiliating defeat at the hands of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Here's to another regime that talks the talk but can't figure out how to walk the walk.
Here's to another head coach with that deer in the headlights gaze.
Here's to another season with no accomplishments and little reason for hope.
Here's to the Cleveland Browns, a team you can always count on.

Why Beating Pittsburgh Matters

I was on my way to work earlier in the week and saw a guy in a Steelers jacket wandering down Broadway in the City of Cleveland. Twenty years ago, I'd have thought he was either a bad ass or just a really brave guy. Now, I just note that his coat is a different style from the other Steelers jackets I've seen some people wearing around downtown lately.

I know several people from Northeast Ohio who are going to tonight's game. They're Steelers season ticket holders. When I drive down my street during football season, I see houses with Steelers flags flying proudly right next to Ohio State flags. A guy I play hockey with has started to wear a Troy Polamalu jersey over his pads. I don't know how it is in Cuyahoga County, but you can't walk into a sporting goods store in Summit County without being overwhelmed by the selection of Steelers merchandise. The Stow-Hudson Giant Eagle had black and yellow cupcakes on special last playoff season (Perfect for Playoff Parties!). Even Terry Pluto, who used to write books about the glories of the Cleveland Browns, told us all that we should root for the Steelers during last year's Super Bowl.

The bottom line is that for a town that's supposed to bleed brown and orange, there's sure a lot of yellow and black wandering around. I guess this is what a generation of incompetence, deceit and even outright treachery on the part of the Cleveland Browns' ownership has produced. The fans who went to war with the NFL to get their team back are now alienated, indifferent, and in some cases drifting away. How far they've drifted is embodied in the fact that Hines Ward calls Cleveland Stadium the Steelers' "home away from home."

It's up to the current group of Browns to take the first step in putting a stop to this. If they need to know why beating Pittsburgh matters, all they have to do is take a look around and see how popular their once hated rival has become in their own backyard.

As for the game itself, I simply can't figure this team out (that's hardly news to you if you've been reading my horrible predictions week in and week out). The Browns are coming off a big win, which probably means we should expect a big letdown that will be blamed on a combination of a short week and a backup QB being thrown into the teeth of the Pittsburgh blitz.

On the other hand, I think that this group of players wants to beat Pittsburgh so bad they can taste it, and I haven't thought that about a Browns team in quite some time. The Steelers weren't a juggernaut three weeks ago, and tonight it looks like they'll be without both starting safeties and both starting wide receivers. Yes, that means that the Browns won't have to contend with either Troy Polamalu or Hines Ward, both of whom have absolutely killed them over the years.

The Browns defense has actually done a decent job against the rush in recent games, and held Willie Parker to under 50 yards the last time the two teams met. To me, the keys to tonight's game are keeping Parker hemmed in, getting pressure on Roethlisberger, and keeping pressure off Derek Anderson and his Sideshow Bob sized feet. Pittsburgh's going to blitz, but without Polamalu in the lineup, they've got to be at least a little more worried than usual about the risk of giving up a big play, so Anderson may get more of a chance to throw than most people think. It would also be nice to discover that last week's running game wasn't a complete mirage, especially since it's supposed to snow tonight.

Tonight the Browns have a chance to take a big step on the long road to respectability. Was the Kansas City game the start of something for this team, or was it just the proverbial dead cat bounce? Can this team put together two solid performances in a row?

I want to think they can make this game interesting, but I don't think they're going to win it. The glass is still half empty. Steelers 21, Browns 14.

They did it again.

The Youngstown State University Penguins won again by beating the Illinois State Redbirds 28-21. YSU's QB, Tom Zetts, threw for two touchdowns and ran for another, but the defense sealed the win. The Redbirds took possession of the ball with two minutes left to play and were driving downfield, when YSU closed it out with an interception.

YSU advances to play perennial powerhouse and this year's number 1 seed, Appalachian State, at Kidd Brewer Stadium. Appy State is looking to repeat as champion. The team features a powerful offense and a rugged, stifling defense. Plus, the Mountaineers are 26-0 at home.

The Penguins are decided underdogs, and on paper, they shouldn't be in the same game as Appy State.

Browns v. Chiefs

This week, the NFL's answer to a slow motion train wreck takes on the Kansas City Chiefs. Before I brighten your Sunday morning with my witty banter about how the Browns will get their heads handed to them yet again this week, I think we've reached a point in the season where a digression into something that's bothered me all year is appropriate.

That something is the Browns' schedule. The Browns were 6-10 last season, a record they shared with the Baltimore Ravens. Since both teams are in the same division, how is it that the Browns ended up with a schedule that is so much more difficult than the one the Ravens were handed?

Here's what I'm talking about. The teams that the Ravens have faced have a combined record of 57-65, and six of those teams (Tampa Bay, Oakland, Cleveland, Tennessee, Atlanta and Pittsburgh) are below .500. In contrast, the Browns' opponents have a 69-54 record, and only three of those teams are below .500. Do I think the disparity in schedules is part of a big conspiracy? As much as I'd love to suggest otherwise, I don't think so. It's just another illustration of the fact that while the Browns have made plenty of bad decisions over the years since their return, bad luck has also seemed to dog every step that they've taken. That's a hell of a combination, isn't it?

Anyway, today's dose of bad luck comes in the form of the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs are a team that fortune has smiled upon this year. Lose Trent Green? Not a problem-- Damon Huard will come in and keep you in playoff contention until Green returns. Lose Priest Holmes for the season? Ever since Larry Johnson arrived, it's been "Priest who?" in KC anyway. Oh, and Tony Gonzalez's shoulder is healed as well. His pride, however, still appears to be smarting from some of Mr. Winslow's ill-considered early season remarks, and I expect that Gonzalez will make the Browns pay a price for those this afternoon.

Looking at the numbers, this appears to be a particularly bad matchup for the Browns. First of all, the Chiefs are on a 5-1 run, so they are coming into this game on a high note, while the Browns are still licking the wounds from their 30-0 shellacking at the hands of the Bengals. Larry Johnson leads the NFL in rushing, and the Chiefs rank third overall in the AFC in that offensive category. Unfortunately, the Browns have yet to figure out a way to stop the run, and their defense ranks a pitiful 24th in the league against the rush.

While things don't look so good for the Browns' defense this week, I'm actually guardedly optimistic when it comes to the offensive side of the ball. Sure, Cleveland's offense ranks 31st in the league, but I truly believe that if Charlie Frye plays within himself, the team will usually be successful in getting the football into the hands of Cleveland's most potent offensive weapon, punter Dave Zastudil. I will also go way out on a limb and predict that because the team will be fired up to help save their beloved head coach Romeo Crennel's job, they will, in fact, score an offensive touchdown this week.

But they'll miss the extra point. Kansas City 24, Cleveland 9.

What's Tony Grossi Up To?

If you read Tony Grossi's article in this morning's Plain Dealer, you'll find a relatively straightforward portrayal of the turmoil surrounding the Browns and Coach Romeo Crennel. That story comes with a relatively tame headline as well--"Drama, questions build with Edwards, Crennel." About the only thing noteworthy in the story is Grossi's continuation of the Cleveland print media's tradition of damning Crennel with faint praise ("To his credit, Crennel...maintained his composure and class, as usual, during another day of uncomfortable interrogation about his job status.").

However, The Plain Dealer is pushing the "Crennel is on his way out" story line a lot harder on the Internet. The headline on the front page of its website this morning features a photo of Romeo Crennel along with the headline "Days Numbered?" (Update: not anymore. You'll have to trust me on this one.) It links not to Tony Grossi's article in this morning's paper, but to his podcast from yesterday morning. You should definitely listen to that podcast, because it is pretty explosive. In it, Grossi says a number of things, including:

• One of the biggest reasons he thinks Crennel is on the way out is that WTAM, the radio mouthpiece of the Browns, is starting to talk about his ouster. I think Tony Grossi is the first guy in the media to openly acknowledge what fans have long known--WTAM and its hosts are little more than spokespeople for the Cleveland Browns' front office.
  

• Grossi insists that Jim Tressel is interested in the Browns job (something I personally can't imagine to be true), and is definitely "on the radar screen."
  

• Business issues are factoring into the coaching decision. Grossi says there were suite cancellations after Sunday's fiasco, and that the Browns feel a need to bring in a coach of Tressel's stature in order to regain the support of the fans and the business community.
  

• Crennel has to win at least three of the last five games in order to keep his job.

Why the PD is softpeddling this in the print edition, while pushing Grossi's views so hard online? Perhaps the answer lies in the stormy relationship that Grossi's had with the team's ownership in the past. There's a lot of history between Grossi and the Browns, and when it comes to a story like this one, his approach to reporting it may reflect a self-preservation strategy born out of a healthy distrust of the team's front office.

As everybody knows, nobody managed to get under Art Modell's skin quite like Tony Grossi did. If I recall correctly, the last time that Grossi was ahead of the curve on a coaching change, it involved Bud Carson. Grossi reported just prior to the Browns v. Broncos regular season game in 1990 that Carson's job was on the line. The Browns, and Modell in particular, went nuts, alleging that Grossi never checked his facts with them before running the story. I think that Grossi ended up being removed from the Browns beat for a while as a result of that mess.

The Browns beat the Broncos that week, and Bud lived on, only to be fired a few weeks later, just as Grossi said he would be.

I've always had a sneaking suspicion that Grossi was set up by the Browns back then, and I'm sure that left him with a lingering distrust of the team's front office. Given the fact that this version of the front office has already shown a penchant for intrigue (e.g., the Collins coup and the Carthon resigfiring), that distrust is probably well placed. So, Grossi's different approaches to this story in print and online may be pretty shrewd -- he gets the real story out online, relies on idiots like me to write crap like this pointing you in the direction of his podcast, and covers his butt with the powers that be by softpeddling it in print.

Stop the Bleeding. Draft Some Linemen.

Jeff Schudel wrote a great article in the News Herald last Saturday that should be read by every Browns fan. It is about as complete an indictment of the Browns' inability to find quality offensive linemen as you'll ever see. While Schudel points out that neglecting the offensive line has been a tradition with the Browns for more than a generation, you really get a sense for the futility of the team's efforts to build a line when you look at the past eight drafts.

Take a look. Here are the offensive linemen selected by the Browns since 1999:

1999 -- No offensive linemen drafted (Sorry, Tim)
2000 -- 6th round, Brad Bedell, OL Colorado [206th overall]
2000 -- 7th round, Manuia Savea, OL Arizona [207th overall]
2001 -- 7th round, Paul Zukauskas, OL Boston College [203rd overall]
2002 -- 3rd round, Melvin Fowler, OL Maryland [76th overall]
2002 -- 7th round, Joaquin Gonzalez, OL Miami (Fla) [227th overall]
2003 -- 1st round, Jeff Faine C Notre Dame [21st overall]
2004 -- 6th round, Kirk Chambers OL Stanford [176th overall]
2005 -- 7th round, Jonathan Dunn OL Virginia Tech [217th overall]
2006 -- 4th round, Isaac Sowells OL Indiana [112th overall]

The Browns have selected nine offensive linemen since 1999, but have chosen a lineman on the first day of the draft only twice. By way of comparison, the New England Patriots have drafted 12 offensive linemen since 1999. Six of those guys were first day selections (including Damien Woody and Matt Light), and only three were drafted later than the 4th round. The Browns' two first day O-line picks serve only to illustrate the utter chaos and incompetence that has plagued the team's efforts to build an offensive line. That's because only a year after picking center Melvin Fowler in the 3rd round, the Davis regime decided to pull the plug on him and spend the team's 1st round pick on Jeff Faine.

Seriously Butch, WTF?

What have the Browns drafted instead of linemen? C'mon, let's all say it together now--WIDE RECEIVERS! The wide receiver position is the Cleveland Browns' version of "more cowbell." They just can't get enough of them. In every year except 2003, the Cleveland Browns have spent a 1st, 2nd, or 3rd round pick on a wide receiver (I count Winslow as a wide receiver). In 2000, the team had two 2nd round picks, and spent them both on wide receivers (Dennis Northcutt and JaJuan Dawson). In 2004 and 2005, they used their 1st round picks to add still more receivers. This year, of course, they picked Travis Wilson in the 3rd round. Now, we can quibble with some of the team's decisions, but I think we can all agree that Wilson has provided much needed depth to the Browns' inactive list this season.

If they could just convince the NFL to adopt a "five Mississippi" pass rush rule, the Browns' decision to select wide outs instead of offensive linemen year-in and year-out would probably look brilliant. Unfortunately, that isn't how it works, so the Browns look like the NFL's village idiots.

You know, you've got to laugh at this, but it's tragic, really. Look at the amount of money they invested in Tim Couch. Look at the amount of credibility they've invested in the decision to go with Charlie Frye. We'll never know what Couch might have been, and we'll probably never know what Frye's potential really is, because after eight years of allegedly trying, the Cleveland Browns still haven't been able to figure out how to build a decent offensive line.

Let's face it, right now, all the Browns have to show for eight years of trying to build a line with "diamonds in the rough" draft picks and free agent signings is an increasingly alienated fan base and a 70,000 seat stadium that's become a quarterback graveyard on the shores of Lake Erie.

Guys, you've tried just about everything else to get this franchise turned around. Why not try something that just might work? Stop the bleeding. Draft some linemen.

Disgraceful

The Cleveland Browns disgraced themselves this afternoon. No, not because they stunk, but because they quit. There's no other way to describe their gutless performance against the Bengals. Just when you think it can't get worse, these incompetent jackasses get shut out by the worst defense in the National Football League.

Charlie Frye was f---in' atrocious, but he had plenty of company on both sides of the ball. Braylon Edwards showed that while he may not be a very good receiver, he's definitely a first rate clubhouse cancer. But you know what? At least he gives a damn, which is more than I can say for most of the rest of the team.

Hey coaches, your team quit, and that didn't appear to bother you a bit. The more I watch this team, the more I think that Romeo Crennel's sole game day contribution appears to be to make mindless replay challenges that have no chance of succeeding. Michigan State, if you want somebody whose teams show promise and then collapse as totally as John L. Smith's did, it looks like Todd Grantham's definitely your man. Jeff Davidson, your offense has scored one touchdown in three weeks, and--I'll say it again--just got shut out by the WORST DEFENSE IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!!!

Phil Savage, aside from being a first rate practitioner of office politics and an engineer of mediocre drafts, could you explain to us just what exactly you do? Whatever you do appears to have no discernible impact on this club's performance. Maybe it's because when all is said and done, you're just an empty suit who is in way over his head.

Randy Lerner, we heard a rumor that you were "annoyed" by your front office. We don't care. Just sell the team, Randy. You never wanted to be in this business in the first place, so sell it now, and let somebody who isn't more interested in English soccer than Cleveland football run it.

Have I missed anyone of note in the Browns' coaching staff or front office? If so, I apologize for the oversight and offer my sincere assurances that I think you're worthless too.

Time to hit the reset button again. Maybe the fourth time's the charm.

Whew! That was close.

I watched the big game last night, and boy, was it close. The Youngstown State Penguins beat the James Madison Dukes 35-31. When it seemed like all was lost, the good guys battled back from an 11 point deficit to advance to the next round of the playoffs.

It was a weird game for the Penguins. They're really a pretty formidable running team, but last night they really eschewed their bread and butter running in favor of a passing attack. Marcus Mason, who averaged 170 yards per game in the regular season, rushed for 72 yards against the Dukes. I was skeptical, but it worked. Known for their defense and grinding style of offense, the Penguins racked up 35 points against a stingy Dukes' defense.

Coach Jon Heacock, a former Tressel assistant (no vest), got his first playoff win. Watch next Saturday when the Penguins take on Illinois State at Stambaugh Stadium in beautiful Youngstown, Ohio.

The Browns v. The Bizarro Browns

For the second week in a row, the Browns play a team that's just snapped a three game losing streak by beating the New Orleans Saints. Pittsburgh beat the Saints 38-31 two weeks ago, while the Bengals beat New Orleans by a score of 31-16 last week. So what's the significance of this? Beats me, but I've got to be honest with you, after 10 weeks of generally lousy football, it's getting pretty hard to find anything interesting to say about a Browns game.

I suppose I could talk about Braylon Edwards' need to be the center of attention week after week after week. Braylon, you only get to talk like Chad Johnson when you play like Chad Johnson. For the record, you don't play like Johnson, which means that while Ocho Cinco's antics are colorful, yours are merely ridiculous.

Or I could discuss what a challenge events like this week's "Throwback Weekend" are to a team that wears basically the same uniform that it wore 50 years ago. Aside from the number on the helmet, it looks like each fan should probably be given a microscope so they have a fighting chance to pick out the differences between the Browns' current uniforms and the throwback version that the team will be wearing today.

Any of those topics would be more interesting than a matchup between the lousy Browns and the underachieving Bengals, but this is supposed to be a game preview, so guess I'd better preview the game.

At this point in the season, the Bengals have a very potent offense, but one that's surprisingly one dimensional. They can definitely pass the ball--Carson Palmer ranks second in the AFC in passing yardage and third in passer rating, and Chad Johnson leads the conference in receiving yards. However, the team as a whole ranks near the bottom of the AFC in rushing, even though Rudi Johnson's on pace to run for over 1,200 yards once again.

The problem is that the Bengals have literally gotten no contribution from anyone else on their roster. Johnson's rushed for 826 yards this season, while the team's second leading rusher, Kenny Watson, has only carried the ball nine times for 60 yards. Of course, it's important to keep the Bengals rushing woes in perspective -- they still are averaging almost 20 more yards per game on the ground than the pathetic Browns, who rank last in the AFC and 30th in the NFL in rushing offense.

The good news for Browns fans is that while the Bengals have a formidable offense, they are the worst defensive team in the NFL. Their real weakness is the passing game, where the Bengals have given up over 2,500 yards already this season.

With stats like these, it occurs to me that Paul Brown's bastard child looks like a Bizarro version of the Browns. Remember the Bizarro world from Superman comics? It was a place where everything was ass backwards. Well, that's what the Browns and the Bengals are like. Cleveland has no offense, but the Bizarro Browns are a juggernaut. Even after last week's 4th quarter melt-down, Cleveland ranks near the top of the AFC in pass defense, while the Bizarro Browns can't cover anybody. Come to think of it, maybe we ought to start calling Chad Johnson "Bizarro Braylon."

I think this all adds up to a pretty close game, and one that the Browns have a chance to win. Despite the Bengals' reliance on the passing attack, I think the key to the game is going to be stopping Rudi Johnson. If they make the Bengals rely solely on the pass, the Browns can stay in the game. If Cincinnati can run effectively, forget it.

I give the nod to the Bizarro Browns, 31-21.

Carthon = Rumsfeld

Whether it's unfair or not, Maurice Carthon seemed to be trapped in the same single-mindedness that plagued the former Secretary of Defense. Why it took Berea as long as it did to figure that out and dump him is the tragedy of the 2006 season. His sacking gives me hope.

By now, we all know that the offensive line isn't as good as we thought it would be in the preseason. We also know that, despite its shortcomings, it's the best one the Browns have had since their resurrection.
We also know that the kids, Frye, Winslow and Edwards, can combine to score some points if the line gives them a little time.
The defense has gotten better as the season has progressed, and is now capable of stopping opponents if it doesn't stay on the field too long. Again, the kids (Pool, Jones, Jackson and Wimbley) have proven to be the difference.

So, what's all that mean today? I might be nuts and will likely be ridiculed by the Rhino, but the Browns are going to win this one 23-20.

Come on, you guys all know that's Joe Turkey Jones planting Terry Bradshaw. After all, it's Pittsburgh Sucks Week.

Can The Browns Stand and Deliver?

During the 11 months since last year's Christmas Eve debacle, the Cleveland Browns have said a lot of things about the Pittsburgh Steelers. These statements range from Phil Savage's remarks last June about "doing some damage to Pittsburgh for a change," to Braylon Edwards' comments this week about the team's intention to "coming after their (butts).”

Talk's cheap. Now it's time to stand and deliver. The question is, can they? Personally, I doubt it.

Sure, the Pittsburgh Steelers are a mediocre team. They're 3-6, and haven't won a game on the road all season. However, they have one of the AFC's leading rushers in Willie Parker and rank among the conference's top teams in total offense. While Pittsburgh's defensive unit hasn't been as dominant as in years past, it's still pretty formidable, particularly against the run.

So how did they end up tied for last in the AFC North? Turnovers are a big part of the answer. The Steelers have turned the ball over 24 times, which is --believe it or not--even more than the Browns have. The Steelers' -8 turnover margin ties them with the Browns and Raiders for last place in the AFC. The Steelers are also a different football team outside of Heinz Field. They have yet to win a game on the road this season, and while they've averaged over 30 points per game in each of their home appearances, the Steelers are averaging only 16 points per game on the road.

Of course, it's hard to know how much of a factor Pittsburgh's road woes will be today, when they play in front of a crowd that, if last year's game is any indication, will probably be about evenly divided between Cleveland and Pittsburgh fans. The fact that the Browns haven't beaten the Steelers here since 2000 and own one of the league's worst home records suggests that you probably shouldn't count on Pittsburgh's road woes being much of a factor this afternoon.

I don't think the Browns are expecting the Steelers to do anything differently on offense than they've done in the past. The key to making it all work for the Steelers is their ability to run the ball, and they still do that pretty well. With the retirement of Jerome Bettis, Willie Parker has become more of a complete Steelers-type running back. He's got the speed to get outside, but he's not afraid to stick a shoulder into people.

Today's game may well come down to whether the Browns can stop Parker's onslaught. If you watched him romp for a career high 213 yards against the Saints last week, you'll probably have your doubts. I know that I do. If you think the glass is half full, you'll probably point out that Parker is among those Steelers who appear to be the most daunted by the absence of home cookin'. Parker averages almost 130 yards per game at home, but less than 60 yards per game on the road, and has yet to put together back-to-back 100 yard games this season.

Ben Roethlisberger struggled during the first part of the season, but he appears to have settled down and has played pretty well over the past five weeks. He's 3-0 lifetime against the Browns, and unless they can somehow figure out a way to get some pressure on him, I doubt you'll see the kind of mistakes that plagued him earlier this year.

Drew Brees passed for almost 400 yards against the Steelers last week, and the Saints 517 yards in total offense demonstrates that you can move the ball against the Steelers, but the Browns better be firing on all cylinders if they expect to do that. With Droughns nursing a sprained foot and unlikely to be much of a factor even if he does play, the Browns may be even more one dimensional than usual. You know that the Steelers, who currently rank 3rd in the AFC in both sacks and interceptions, are licking their chops at the prospect of coming after Charlie Frye again.

I hope I'm wrong again, but I think that Pittsburgh still has Cleveland's number. What about all the talk from the Browns? Sorry, but it's just that. I look for Pittsburgh to bust out of its road blues in a big way today. Pittsburgh 24, Browns 13.

Trouble Brewing in Berea?

Read this morning's post from Ace Davis, and then click through to the article that he quotes from (scroll down to "Trouble in Cleveland"). Looks like Randy Lerner is not a happy camper.

A Tale of Two Rivalries

As far as Cleveland's favorite college and pro football rivalries go, it's the best of times and the worst of times. While the nation's attention is riveted on tomorrow's Ohio State v. Michigan game, the Browns and Steelers rivalry exists only in the minds of die-hard Cleveland fans. For everybody else, the Browns v. Steelers game isn't so much the renewal of a rivalry as the latest in a string of Road Runner cartoons, with the Browns seemingly destined to forever play the role of Wile E. Coyote.

In order to have a rivalry, you've actually got to be competitive every now and again. Unfortunately, "competitive" isn't a word I'd use to describe the Browns games against the Steelers in recent years. Somehow, words like "embarrassing" and "humiliating" seem to fit much better. The Steelers own a 13-3 record against the Browns since 1999, including the January 2003 playoff collapse that etched another scar into the psyche of Cleveland fans. The Browns haven't beaten Pittsburgh at home since 2000. Is it any wonder that Hines Ward calls Cleveland Browns Stadium Pittsburgh's home away from home?

All anyone needs to know about the futility of the new Browns is encapsulated in the fact that the Steelers welcomed them back to the NFL in 1999 with a 43-0 massacre, and that by last Christmas Eve, the Browns had improved so vastly that the Steelers were only able to eek out a 41-0 victory. That was the merriest Christmas ever, wasn't it, Browns fans?

Now of course, we're hearing that this year's version of the Browns gets it when it comes to the Steelers. Some of the Browns have been pretty vocal this week, most notably Braylon Edwards, who promises the Steelers that the Browns are coming after them. Whatever. Sorry Braylon, but I'm not impressed, and neither are any other Browns fans. See, when it comes to Pittsburgh, we don't think "getting it" means out-talking the Steelers in the locker room. It means out-fighting, out-hitting and out-playing the Steelers on the football field.

When we see you do that, we'll believe that you get it.

Leave Bobby Knight Alone

We don't seem to have a problem with sending 18 year-olds to Iraq to get blown to bits by IEDs, but judging from the non-stop media circus surrounding this incident, apparently our tender sensibilities can't cope with the idea that Bobby Knight gave one of his players a smack on the cheek to get his attention. Grow up, America.

Make no mistake about it--Knight smacked the kid. He didn't hit him hard, but he didn't "quickly lift his chin" as Texas Tech officials are attempting to spin it. That's not the point anyway. The point is, who gives a damn? Let me tell you a secret that's known to any kid who ever got to the high school level in sports: coaches will give you a bop in the head every now and again. If you can't deal with that, have your kid join math club.

I had several coaches who pushed and shoved me on occasion. The most memorable was my high school line coach, who used to not only grab us and toss us around a bit when we were consistently lining up in the wrong place, but also occasionally crack us in the helmet with a chin strap if we blew an assignment during practice. My ears rung, and I called the guy every name in the book under my breath, but I've never felt the need to get "closure" for this "trauma." Perhaps I'm just not in touch with my feelings, or maybe I'm just grateful to the guy for turning somebody with almost no athletic ability into an All-League player.

I don't condone physical abuse of players by coaches, and I agree completely with a zero tolerance policy in youth sports. On the other hand, I also think the zero tolerance crowd is wrong when they say that every bit of physical contact with a high school or college age athlete is per se abuse. Coaching sports like football and basketball requires physical contact with players. Technique demonstrations, moving players to the proper spot on the field, etc. are part of what coaches do every day. Sometimes that contact is a little on the forceful side, because "knowledge maketh a bloody entrance." Sorry, but a coach giving a player a little shove or a smack on the head isn't abuse, and nobody who ever played a contact sport will tell you otherwise.

Bobby Knight is a complex man and an extraordinary basketball coach. He's also one of the biggest jerks in all of sports, but if that was a crime, nobody would be able to field a college or pro sports team. Still, the guy inspires unbelievable loyalty among former players, and there's no doubt that he goes the extra mile for them. There have been a number of incidents involving Knight and his players, but almost always, it is the players who jump to Knight's defense. Knight's bashers will say that this is because they fear retribution. I think a more likely explanation is that they know something about him that the rest of us don't.

Rhino on Ice

Yup, that's me in the Red Wings jersey. I told you I played hockey, and I told you I was a fat pig. So there.

I'm not a Detroit fan, but I needed a new white jersey a few years ago. Hull had just left for Phoenix and this one was $25 at Champs. Believe me, if I had any alternative, I'd have chosen somebody other than Brett "No Goal" Hull, but size 52 hockey sweaters don't grow on trees, ya know.

Games of the Century

You know that this weekend's Ohio State v. Michigan game is a sporting event of galactic proportions when even a Texas paper publishes an article calling it "The Game of the Century." I believe that this is the first time in the 21st century that this tag has been hung on a college football game, but there were several 20th century games that were given the GOTC moniker. I thought it might be interesting to take a look at them.

1916 - Georgia Tech 222, Cumberland 0. Talk about a bad day at the office. How the worst mismatch in sporting history got a GOTC tag is beyond me. Why Cumberland College commemorates it is even more mystifying.

1935 -- Notre Dame 18, Ohio State 13. This is the game that a panel of experts voted the greatest game played during the first century of college football. Ohio State held a 13-0 lead in the fourth quarter, but the Irish scored three touchdowns to pull out the win. Bill Shakespeare threw a game-winning 19-yard pass to Wayne Millner with 32 seconds left. Check out the highlight video.

1946 -- Army 0, Notre Dame 0. The scoreless tie between Notre Dame and Army is one of the most famous games in college football history, but there's a dirty little secret about this game: it was boring as hell. Notre Dame had only one scoring opportunity, reaching the Army 4-yard line before Frank Leahy decided not to try a field goal but to instead run a sweep on fourth and goal (huh?). Johnny Lujack made a touchdown-saving open field tackle of Doc Blanchard to stifle the Cadets' only scoring threat.

1966 -- Notre Dame 10, Michigan State 10. This was the much anticipated and still highly controversial matchup between the #1 Irish and the #2 Spartans. The game lived up to its billing, and is still regarded as a classic. The controversy involves Ara Parseghian's decision to run out the clock during Notre Dame's last drive. Was this the wrong thing to do? Decide for yourself. Here's the last series of the game.

1969 -- Texas 15, Arkansas 14. The #1 Longhorns spotted the #2 Razorbacks a 14 point lead and then, led by QB James Street, scored two fourth quarter touchdowns to win the game. Texas went on to win the National Championship, defeating Notre Dame in the Cotton Bowl 27-17.

1971-- Nebraska 35, Oklahoma 31. I think that aside from the 2003 Fiesta Bowl, this was the greatest college football game that I ever saw. Johnny Rodgers and Greg Pruitt squared off in a see-saw battle that saw the Sooners twice overcome double-digit leads, only to have the Cornhuskers win the game with a long drive that culminated in FB Jeff Kinney's two yard scoring plunge.

1987 -- Penn State 14, Miami 10. The 1987 Fiesta Bowl was Joe Pa's masterpiece. His outmanned Nittany Lions outfought the more talented Hurricanes while he and his defensive staff coached rings around Jimmy Johnson. Vinny Testaverde was intercepted five times, the last one coming with 18 seconds left to play and the ball on the Penn State six yard line.

1993 -- Notre Dame 31, Florida State 24. This one had one of the more dramatic endings of the various GOTC contenders, as Heisman Trophy winner Charlie Ward's last second pass was knocked down by Shawn Wooden of the Fighting Irish. Check out the video of that play here. Of course, none of us Notre Dame fans like to recall what happened the following week, when the Irish lost to Boston College on a last second field goal and ended up handing the national championship back to Florida State.

As the latest GOTC designee, the Buckeyes and Wolverines have a lot to live up to this weekend. I've got every expectation that they won't let us down.

Kicking Off Michigan Week

The front page of this morning's PD has a story about a guy from Hudson who is going to dot the "i" on Saturday. I thought that was as good an excuse as any for kicking off Michigan week with a hit of TBDBITL. How about a little "Hang on Sloopy" to start off Monday?

Three Cheers for Mel Tucker

There's a lot of credit to go around on the defensive side of the football for the Browns' victory over the Falcons, but in light of Michael Vick's horrendous passing performance (a 43.4 QB rating, his worst since the 7th game of the 2005 season), the guy most deserving of praise may well be defensive backfield coach Mel Tucker.

Tucker's a Cleveland Heights native who played his college football for Barry Alvarez at Wisconsin. He then served as an assistant to Nick Saban at Michigan State, and eventually followed him to LSU. Jim Tressel hired him away from LSU, and he served as the Buckeyes' defensive backfield coach from 2001 until the Browns hired him in 2005. By the way, when the Browns hired him, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth in Columbus.

The results that Tucker's achieved during his short tenure in Cleveland have been impressive. Last season, all he did was help the Browns take Leigh Bodden, an unknown free agent from Duquesne, and turn him into one of the top young cornerbacks in the game. This year, despite season-ending injuries to Daylon McCutcheon and Gary Baxter, and nagging injuries to just about everybody else, the play of the defensive backfield is one of the biggest reasons that the Browns rank 6th in the league against the pass. Even more impressive is the fact that opposing QBs have completed only 52.3% of their passes against the Browns, which is easily the lowest completion percentage in the league.

Those numbers are solid enough on their own, but when you consider that they're being achieved with only a mediocre pass rush and a defensive backfield that includes cast-offs like Ralph Brown and Daven Holly, they're downright amazing.

Tucker's starting to get noticed for his work, and it's likely that he's going to have some pretty big opportunities elsewhere after the season's over. With Todd Grantham at or near the top of the list for the Michigan State job, maybe it's time to consider offering the defensive coordinator's job to Mel Tucker. It seems to me that he's given one hell of a nine game audition for it.

Browns

I think the Browns can score some points today. In fact, if Charlie Frye can avoid what has become his customary Sunday bad decision, they can score enough points to win.

Sadly, I don't think that will happen. I think the Rhino's pretty much right about the score. 31-23 looks about right.

I've got a feeling that the Browns will jump out to a lead, tease us all with a win, and then be unable to sustain it. It should be real close---razor thin, but I think they'll lose.


Woof woof.

Hugo Chavez, man of distinction

Hugo Chavez may be, as the Venezuelans say, a culo de caballo, but the man's got taste. The fool welcomed Shakira to Venezuela and said he might go to the concert.

I can't fault the man for that. Check her out. Now, that's an athlete for you.

It's The Same Old Story: Stop Michael Vick

The Browns visit the Atlanta Falcons this weekend. Remember the last time they played Atlanta? It was one of the very few good days that we've had since the team returned. The Browns have been so bad that it's easy to forget that they made the playoffs back in 2002, and it was a home victory over the Falcons that got them there.

Of course, that happy memory is tainted by the Browns quick exit from the playoffs the following week, after they managed to blow a 17 point 4th quarter lead to the Steelers. That game not only put a real damper on the buzz we were all feeling after the Buckeyes' Fiesta Bowl triumph, but also revealed what a creep Butch Davis was. Butch, as you remember, threw defensive coordinator Foge Fazio under the bus for that loss--even though it was reportedly Davis' overruling of Fazio that allowed Pittsburgh to get back into the game in the first place.

If the reports about Butch's next coaching position are true, all I can say is enjoy the hell out of him, Tar Heel fans. He'll coach his guts out for ya.

Isn't it great to be a Browns fan? I haven't even talked about this week's game yet and my blood pressure is already in the danger zone. Anyway, the key to a Cleveland win this week is the same as it is for any team playing Atlanta. If you want to beat the Falcons, you better figure out a way to stop Michael Vick. Sure, Atlanta has other weapons, but controlling Vick-- Ron Mexico to his intimate friends--has to be the Browns' top priority.

Vick ranks among the top 10 rushers in the NFC with 576 yards and an astounding 8.2 yards per carry, and he's on a pace to break Bobby Douglass' single season QB rushing record. But this year, stopping Vick sometimes means more than shutting down the run. Vick's shown signs of maturing as a passer, although he's still inconsistent. For example, after lighting up the Steelers and the Bengals for seven passing touchdowns and nearly 550 yards in back-to-back games, he threw for less than 200 yards and had two passes intercepted against the Lions last week.

Vick's not the Falcons only offensive threat. Warrick Dunn is having another stellar year, and currently ranks 5th in the NFC with 688 yards and a 4.5 yards per carry average. With both Vick and Dunn in the backfield, it's no surprise that the Falcons lead the NFL in rushing with an incredible 205 yards per game. TE Alge Crumpler is tied for 3rd in the NFC with six touchdown receptions, and former Buckeye WR Michael Jenkins has caught three touchdown passes of his own.

Stopping the running game isn't exactly one of the Browns' strengths, so on the surface, it looks like this could be a very long afternoon. It might well turn out that way, but if you want a reason to hope otherwise, consider the fact that the Falcons' productivity on the ground has plummeted over the past three weeks. Through the season's first five games, Atlanta was averaging over 230 yards on the ground. Over the past three games, that's dropped to 160 yards per game.

The biggest reason for the drop-off in the Falcons' running game appears to be a decision to throw the ball more, but that may have resulted from the absence of guard Matt Lehr, who is serving a four game steroid suspension. The Falcons' line was further depleted during the Lions game, when guard Kynan Forney was lost for the season with a shoulder injury. Furthermore, Warrick Dunn's backup, Jerious Norwood, has a knee injury and is questionable for Sunday. Ordinarily, that's kind of a "so what?" but Norwood's not exactly your average backup. The rookie from Mississippi State has rushed for 355 yards and is averaging almost seven yards per carry. Combine these injuries with Alge Crumpler's sore ankle, and there's reason to think that if the Browns can't stop the Falcons, they at least might be able to slow them down some.

Slowing down the Falcons' offense just might give the Browns a chance, because this is one of the rare weeks when the Browns may be able to get something going on offense. That's because while Atlanta's decent against the run, its pass defense is downright porous. The Falcons rank 31st overall in passing defense, and it isn't because they don't have a pass rush. The Falcons have a respectable 21 sacks; they just can't cover anybody. Teams are completing 61% of their passes against the Falcons and the team's already given up almost 2,000 yards passing.

I'd feel a lot better about this game if the Falcons weren't coming off an upset loss to the Lions and the Browns weren't so banged up themselves. I don't think the Falcons are as good as their record indicates, but I think that with the home field advantage and the poor performance against the Lions as motivation, the Browns will be hard pressed to bring home a victory.

Falcons 31, Browns 23.

Scarlet Hype

Not to take away anything from the Scarlet Knights, but don't you think that Rutgers' thrilling victory over Louisville is being overhyped just a little bit? New Yorkers love to thumb their noses at us flyover state rubes, but when it comes to sporting events, the supposedly jaded New York media takes a back seat to nobody in terms of absurd exaggeration--so long as the event in question happened within easy commuting distance of Times Square.

I mean, c'mon guys--it was a great win, but if it didn't happen 20 miles from Manhattan, would grown ups be claiming that this game would "live through the centuries"? You gotta be kidding me! Rutgers beats a ranked opponent, and all of the sudden we're supposed to put this in the same class as the 1971 Nebraska v. Oklahoma game or the 2003 Fiesta Bowl?

Not only that, but now we've also got to endure ESPN instant polls asking whether the 15th ranked team in the country ought to play in the National Championship ahead of one loss teams like Florida, Auburn and Texas. With this schedule? What nonsense. (It's probably a moot point anyway, because I doubt they're getting out of Morgantown alive on December 2nd.)

New York--if you can make it there (or in North Jersey), they'll insist you can make it anywhere.

Two Sides to Every Deal

Right now, the Tribe is getting kudos from the local media for its acquisition of San Diego Padres second baseman Josh Barfield. I like the deal too, although a prospect like Kevin Kouzmanoff is a big price to pay for the team's inept handling of Brandon Phillips. If you read Terry Pluto's column this morning, you'll see that he includes quotes about Barfield from a San Diego sportswriter named Tim Sullivan that would lead you to believe he's likely to be despondent about this deal. Well, he isn't.

Bud Shaw writes about the Tribe's revolving door at second base, implying that it somehow matters. Others don't think so. "Second basemen are like 50-watt bulbs compared with the neon brilliance of a third baseman with pop. They are easily replaced; highly expendable. When you get an opportunity to acquire a hitter of Kevin Kouzmanoff's potential, baseball percentages tell you to pounce." Who says so? San Diego Union-Tribune columnist Tim Sullivan in his column this morning.

While Cleveland emphasizes Barfield's defensive brilliance and the potential improvement in his numbers resulting from a move to a hitter's park, San Diego counters with the fact that Barfield ranked 31st in OBP among second basemen with more than 100 appearances and besides, chicks dig the long ball. Plus, from the Padres' perspective, there's the fact that the free agent market for second basemen is pretty solid this season, and includes SoCal native and former Padre Mark Loretta. Based on Sullivan's column, it sounds like Loretta already has his bags packed.

Who got the better of this deal? We'll know in a few years. Right now, I'd give the nod to the Tribe. Kouzmanoff's a great hitting prospect, but with his history of injuries, I'm a little surprised to see a National League team this hot to get him. But there are always two sides to every deal. Shapiro probably had the best comment about the deal when he said that "We gave up players we liked. No trade is an easy trade. But [Barfield's] a player we're very happy to get."

Ingratitude

The Yinzers' favorite sociopath, Joey Porter, has moved from tackling drunken fans to threatening sober officials. Now I ask you, is that any way to thank the guys who won the Super Bowl for you?

The 2007 Chevy Silverado is the Right Choice for Ohio's Next Senator

If you have watched a football game at any point over the last month, then a conservative estimate would be that you've seen John Mellencamp's Chevy truck ads more than 10,000 times. I've seen several versions of the ads, and while they haven't persuaded me to buy a Chevy truck, they have convinced me to endorse the 2007 Silverado in today's United States Senate race.

Unlike either Mike DeWine or Sherrod Brown, the Silverado comes standard with a Vortec V-6 engine and the Stabilitrak vehicle stability system, not to mention a one ton payload capacity. In contrast, Mike DeWine is the kind of gap-toothed ignoramus who has made Ohio politicians a national laughingstock for almost a century. His opponent, Sherrod Brown, is a limousine liberal married to Plain Dealer columnist Connie Schultz, who won a Pulitzer Prize last year for consistently offering readers columns that are a unique blend of condescension, maudlin self-pity, and misandry.

Some skeptics will dismiss the idea of electing the Silverado by pointing out that it is an inanimate object. That is true, but I ask those skeptics to remember that this kind of disability did not prevent John Glenn from serving the Buckeye State with distinction during his four terms in the United States Senate.

In addition to all that, Mellencamp's ads make it clear that the Silverado stands tall for such bedrock American values as the working man (truck yeah!), the Boy Scouts (truck yeah!), civil rights (truck yeah!), babies (truck yeah!), cowboys (truck yeah!), Katrina devastation (truck yeah!), 9/11 images (truck yeah!) and, in the version that appears below, football (truck yeah!)



Ohio could do worse than the 2007 Silverado, and if past experience is any guide, it probably will. As others have said before me, you're either with the Silverado, or you're with the terrorists.

Charlie Frye Bashing

Now that Maurice Carthon's head has been delivered to us on a platter, Charlie Frye seems to be emerging as the scapegoat du jour for the Browns' offensive woes. In recent weeks, there has been a rising chorus of Frye bashing, and some of it is plainly justified. Frye's habit of refusing to give up on a play that's going nowhere has cost the Browns dearly this season, with the fumble that led to San Diego's first touchdown yesterday being only the latest example. There's a fine line between competitive fire and plain old immaturity, and I think Frye crosses that line pretty regularly.

The conventional wisdom is that many fans look at Frye as a hometown boy made good, and expect him to be some sort of reincarnation of Bernie Kosar. If that's the case, I guess you can count me among those who haven't drunk the Kool-Aid, because I don't see anywhere near the on-field savvy that Kosar possessed early in his career. On the other hand, you can also mark me down as somebody who still thinks that Charlie Frye has the potential to be a good NFL quarterback, as well as somebody who thinks that some of the recent criticism being voiced about the guy is simply unfair.

The comments from the two meatheads who broadcast yesterday's game provide a case in point. Gus Johnson and Steve Tasker harped constantly on Frye's supposed habit of "locking onto" receivers. Within minutes of the end of yesterday's game, their insights were being treated as received wisdom in the Internet's echo chamber, and touted as evidence of Charlie Frye's incompetence.

I disagree. At this stage in Frye's career, I think staring down receivers is mostly evidence of the fact that he's a young quarterback with a lot to learn, and I'll cite Ray Lewis as my authority. Shortly before the last game between the Browns and the Ravens, Lewis talked about the way the Ravens feasted on inexperienced quarterbacks. Lewis noted that they were able to do this in part because "most young quarterbacks don't know how to read the whole field or scan defenses." That comes with enough time on the job and, just as importantly, enough time in the pocket to do the job. Frye's got neither of those things.

To me, Bud Shaw's take on the Browns' QB situation in this morning's Plain Dealer puts the blame where it belongs--squarely on the shoulders of Phil Savage and Romeo Crennel. They're the guys who dealt away a veteran QB (granted, a stiff, but a veteran stiff) and left the Browns with nobody to help groom Frye or to take his place if need be.

Frye's struggling, the Browns are paying for it, and Savage and Crennel have only themselves to blame. You'd have thought that the overwhelming success of the Browns' efforts to destroy Tim Couch would've taught this organization how not to handle young QBs, but apparently that's a lesson that each new regime has to learn on its own.

A Browns-Chargers Preview Without a Quote From "Anchorman"

Nobody gives the Browns much of a chance this weekend. The Pumpkin Heads started the week as 12 1/2 point dogs, and the line didn't move off that number even after Shawne Merriman decided to begin serving his suspension this weekend. A lot of prognosticators think the score will be much more lopsided than the line. For example, one preview that I came across pegs the score at 35-17 in favor of the Bolts, while another guy predicts a 41-6 blowout.

The Chargers organization must be reading the clippings as well, because if you visit their website, you'll see that they can hardly contain their glee at the prospect of a visit from the Browns. And why not? The Chargers have the AFC's top running back in LaDainian Tomlinson, and its best backup in Michael Turner. With talent like that, it's not surprising that San Diego leads the AFC in rushing with an average of almost 158 yards per game. On the other hand, the Browns have held opponents to less than 100 yards on the ground only twice this season, and rank 13th in the AFC (and 28th in the NFL) against the run.

The Chargers can also throw. Philip Rivers has been impressive in his first year as a starter, although as Ben Toothlessberger can tell you, there's no better friend to a young quarterback's stats than a solid running game. Good receivers help plenty too, and the Chargers have several of them. Former Kent State hoops star Antonio Gates has blossomed into one of the NFL's premier tight ends. Wide Receiver Eric Parker is averaging almost 16 yards per catch, while former Brown and future Hall of Famer Keenan McCardell adds veteran experience to the receiving corps.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about their leading receiver--some guy named LaDainian Tomlinson. Believe it or not, he sometimes throws the ball too, and currently has a 95.8 passer rating. Unfortunately, Tomlinson didn't play his college football in Florida, so he didn't meet Butch Davis's criteria for a first round pick. That's okay, because nobody would ever second guess Butch's selection of Gerard Warren instead of Tomlinson.

I hate Butch Davis.

Defensively, the Chargers will miss Merriman, but let's not get carried away here. They lead the AFC in total defense and rank second overall in the NFL. The Chargers are strong against the run and the pass, and while Merriman's out, their defensive line will improve with the anticipated return of Igor Olshansky. The Chargers also enjoy the second best turnover ratio (+7) in the AFC.

In short, the Browns have a mountain to climb this weekend. Is there any reason for hope? Well, one interesting thing about the Chargers is the fact that they've had one of the NFL's easiest schedules to this point. They've only beaten one team with a winning record (St. Louis), and their other four victories have come against teams with a combined record of 8-20. So, just maybe, they aren't as daunting as they look.

Then again, they're playing the 2-5 Browns, who are exactly the kind of team they've feasted on this season. While Cleveland's offense looked better last week, it will have to get a whole lot better to make this game competitive, and with McGinest, Roye and Holly potentially added to the endless injury list, Todd Grantham is going to have to figure out some way to patch together a defense yet again. I wish him all the luck in the world.

Sorry guys, but this one looks like a blowout. San Diego 34, Cleveland 9.

Chucks

Erik Cassano has a post on his blog about Stephon Marbury's new line of $15.00 basketball shoes. For some reason, reading that reminded me of one of the great frustrations of my own brief basketball career -- my repeated failure to convince my parents to spring for a pair of hi-top Chuck Taylors.

My first attempt at Chucks came in sixth grade, when I was selected to a basketball all-star team. This had nothing to do with my ability, and everything to do with the fact that I was an extra-wide body and one of the tallest kids in my grade. Nevertheless, I thought this great honor merited a new pair of sneakers, and since my toes were curling up in the pair I'd started the school year with, my parents reluctantly agreed.

I actually thought that I had sold my mom on the many, many merits of Chucks. Unfortunately, however, she always went to Sears first whenever it was time to buy us clothes (yup, my brothers and I wore the dreaded Toughskins), and I guess she viewed sneakers as falling into the clothes category, not the sporting goods category. That proved to be my downfall, because the guy in the Sears shoe department immediately pointed my mom to the Sears-brand sneakers. He showed my mom an ad for the shoes that said that they were "Made by Converse Expressly for Sears," and they were $2.00 cheaper than the Chucks I wanted at the sporting goods store. Needless to say, 15 minutes later, I walked out of the store with a perfectly serviceable pair of shoes, but ones that said "Sears" instead of "Converse" in the little white ball on the side of the ankle.

That would've been bad enough, but Sears was never content until they'd sufficiently ugly-fied their store brand products to make them a source of everlasting humiliation to the kids who got stuck wearing them. This corporate sadism had to be the reason for that gigantic hard plastic belt tag they stuck on Toughskins jeans, which couldn't be removed with a blowtorch and served no purpose other than to alert everyone within 50 feet that you weren't wearing Levi's. In the sneaker category, this sadism manifested itself in an obnoxious and useless ankle pad that they added at the back of their ersatz-Chucks. The thing looked like a giant plastic blister, and was a dead giveaway that what I had on my feet wasn't a Converse basketball shoe.

The next season, I took another crack at a pair of Chucks, and I was well on my way to them, until my mom happened upon a sale on Pro-Keds-- blue Pro-Keds. My basketball uniform was white with black and gold numbers, so it's fair to say that the Pro-Keds were a fashion don't. Still, they weren't from Sears, and I consoled myself with the fact that I was at least decked out in a semi-respectable brand of canvas.

I made one final try during my 8th grade basketball season. This one was the most tantalizing near miss of them all. I sold my mom on my need for Converse, but when we got to the sporting goods store, I discovered that right next to my beloved yet elusive Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars were a pair of Converse "Coach" sneakers, the All-Star's cheaper and infinitely less cool cousin. Guess which pair I walked out of the store with?

My basketball career ended following my 8th grade season, which I mostly spent being dispatched to commit hard fouls on guys who were outmuscling our twig of a center. (My 8th grade coach seemed to have learned all he knew about basketball from watching the 1974 Philadelphia Flyers play hockey). So, that was it as far as my dream sneakers were concerned.

Well, not quite. I did buy a pair with my own money (now there's a novel concept) shortly after I got my first job, and I've had a pair in my closet ever since. I don't wear them much anymore, but it's nice to know they're there.