Oh Vishnu, Let Me Come Back as Grady Sizemore

I've been reading up on Hinduism lately. It's a fascinating religion in many ways, but after witnessing Grady Sizemore's 3 for 4 performance and two stolen bases last night, I'm particularly interested in the Hindu doctrine of Samsara, which holds out the possibility of moving to a higher plane of existence in my next life if I don't mess this one up too badly.

I'm going to try to be good in this life, because I definitely want to upgrade to Grady Sizemore in the next one. Aside from an inability to hit left handers, it's hard to figure out what this guy doesn't have going for him. Last season, all he did was become the first major league player in 75 years to have 50 doubles, 10 triples, 20 homers and 20 steals in the same season. While his average is down a bit from the .290 he posted last season as a result of a 4 for 24 slump, Sizemore appears to snapped out of that slump by going 7 for 9 in his last two games, and his OBP is still over .400. He also leads the American League in stolen bases, and hasn't been caught stealing in 14 attempts.

What's even more remarkable about Sizemore's torrid performance this week is that it comes on the heels of his appearance on the cover of Sports Illustrated. As Tribe fans know, appearing on the cover hasn't always been a particularly good omen for Indians' players.

Then, there are the intangibles. Of course, I refer to the fact that women dig Grady. This may not be a big deal to many of you, but to those of us who bear a striking resemblance to Uncle Fester with an underactive thyroid, Grady's popularity with the ladies is something to shoot for in the next life. Of course, women like Brady Quinn too, but if it's all the same to you, I think I'll still try to come back as Sizemore. Why? Well, let's just say I have my reasons.