Let's Crash the Pity Party

You can feel it coming, can't you? In fact, it's already started. You know what I mean: the NFL's feel good opening weekend story line about the special bond between the Saints-- and St. Reggie in particular--and the people of New Orleans.

Not to throw a turd in the punchbowl, but as I recall, before his canonization Reggie Bush was most recently in the news for being the subject of a Pac 10 investigation into potentially improper benefits that he received while at USC. I wonder how many former Trojan teammates will think he's a saint if the NCAA makes them forfeit their 2004 National Championship? Of course, all that's been conveniently forgotten (or at least buried 10 paragraphs deep), along with the fact that Saints owner Tom Benson has spent most of the past several years figuring out how to get the team out of New Orleans. Apparently, that's in the past. Today, butter wouldn't melt in Benson's mouth, even though for my money he remains one of the biggest jerks in the NFL. (Check out his narcissistic bio on the Saints website).

Frankly, I think all this NFL spin-machine manufactured Saints love is the biggest crock of bullshit to come out about New Orleans since "you're doing a heck of a job, Brownie." Trust us, New Orleans, they'll move your team as soon as the coast is clear. Been there, done that.

Aside from all this, the game itself may say a lot about whether the Browns have any shot at respectability this season. The Saints defense is terrible, and if Cleveland's offense can't get it done against them, then they aren't likely to get it done against anybody. In contrast, the Saints have some potent offensive weapons. Aside from Bush, they've got Deuce McAllister, Joe Horn and Drew Brees. That means we may find out pretty quickly whether hopes that the Browns defense has improved enough to keep the team in games are realistic.

Speaking of Drew Brees, why isn't the media covering the real story of the weekend? Of course, I mean the fact that Brees signed a $60 million deal and still won't pony up to have some Hollywood plastic surgeon remove that hairy thing from the side of his face. What's the deal with that? If I had that kind of coin, you can bet your sweet ass I'd have a jet powered Hoover hooked up to liposuck about 70 lbs of fat off me.

For the record, I wish the people of New Orleans all the best, but not this Sunday. I want the bad guys to crash the NFL's cynical national pity party. What's more, I expect them to do just that.

Browns 19, Saints 10.