Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Is Joe Buck the Antichrist?

This is Joe Buck, Fox Sports' lead man on the NFL and MLB. He's a charter member of the lucky sperm club and a talentless hack whose voice was once described as being "absurdly fake, like it’s being relayed through one of those giant plastic horns you get at the circus."

One of the many unlikeable things about Joe is that he seems oblivious to the fact that his status as Jack Buck's son may have helped his career a teensy-weensy bit. In fact, in every interview I've ever seen with him, he comes across as the classic example of a guy who was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple.

Anyone who has ever watched him cover a game can attest to the fact that Buck is also a big-time know it all, even though his comments are frequently mindless. New York Post columnist Phil Mushnick laid into Buck just the other day for his vacuous pontifications during Saturday's Mets v. Yankees game, but I doubt Mushnick's comments will have any effect. After all, Joe's part of the self-esteem generation.

As you can tell, I'm not a Joe Buck fan, but what prompted today's rant was a column he wrote for The Sporting News last week that I wish was available on-line. It was an effort at humor that failed miserably. How bad was it? Here's a little taste:

"Have we all heard enough about Teri Hatcher's dating life? Turns out, by the way, she was never married to Howie Long. I bought a radar detector from Radio Shack in '99 because I thought they were a cute couple."

"And finally there is David Blaine. A week in a water tank in New York City is a trick worthy of network television? I've been married for 13 years. I call what Blaine did a guy's trip."

Funny stuff, huh?

Did I mention that he's won six Emmys and makes tons more money than you do?

Buck's dreadful column made me wonder once again how on earth he's done so well for himself, and I've concluded that the meteoric rise of a guy as untalented and unlikeable as Joe Buck can only be attributed to supernatural forces.

I'll be blunt: I think Joe Buck may be the Antichrist, and since we're less than two weeks away from June 6, 2006 ( 6/6/06), I think we should be afraid. Very afraid.

7 comments:

Vinny said...

Yes.

Anonymous said...

amen.

I'm so glad to see this post. I raise this issue every time I have to sit through a game called by Buck, and not once have I found anyone who agrees with me. My unbridled rage at this talentless, phony hack is consistently met with comments such as, "What are you talking about? Joe Buck is terrific!"

This usually causes me to punch a family member in the face and suffer a banning from the next family gathering. Bring on Memorial Day, but please keep Joe Buck off of the television.

Uncle June said...

That kid should be so lucky that he'd have half the balls of his old man. He never had the makings of a varsity athlete.

Jimbo said...

"born on third and thinks he hit a triple"

No other statement is needed.

Joey Peeps said...

Wait a minute. A guy I work with is the Antichrist. Can there be more than one Antichrist? If yes, then I agree with the HR that Joe Buck is an Antichrist. But if there can only be one Antichrist, then it ain't Joe Buck, because it's definitely the guy I work with.

Not Vito said...

There definitely can be more than one antichrist, though I usually think of antichrists being more conniving than a mere self-absorbed lucky spermer like Joe Buck ... more like a dude who fools another guy into getting a table dance from him in a strip joint. I hate when that happens.

ron karkovice said...

He's nothing but a pretty boy.