I'm troubled.

I have that weird feeling you get when you're out somewhere and one of your paisans is trying to hard to impress a hot chick and starts to do goofy stuff. The kind of stuff that sort of taints you in the eyes of anyone who knows you're with him. The kind of stuff that he would never want anyone to mention again, ever. The kind of stuff that every single regular guy he knows will bust his grapes about every time they're together with drinks in their hands.

It's pretty funny after the fact, but it's damn strange and somehow pathetic when it's happening. That's why it causes the people around it so much discomfort. Well, that's how I feel after reading the quote: "He has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body."

That wasn't said by any of the attractive women who know me or the Rhino. No. That's what the Material Girl said about Alex Rodriguez. Apparently, he's been writing her long rambling love letters and occasional missives about his feelings.

Ok. Ok. I concede that Ms. Ciccione probably has some mad skills when it comes to keeping a guy pretty happy. But, as Tony Soprano lamented on more than a few occasions, "whatever happened to the strong silent type--- Gary Cooper?" Why's Rodriguez got to get all mushy, especially when he should be learning how to hit in the clutch?

Then again, maybe it's just his master plan to hook up with every woman Jose Canseco has had, no matter the cost. After all, Canseco tried to out him about steroids (but that never gained any traction) and bitched about Rodriguez trying to bag the then-Mrs. Canseco. Maybe this is just pure revenge. If that's the case, do you think that, during sex with Madonna, Rodriguez is thinking about Canseco?

I'd appreciate your insights.