Thursday, August 09, 2007

Queer Eye for the Steeler Guy

You know that Steeler mascot in the hard hat who waves the Terrible Towel around at Pittsburgh games? Well, he's got a new name: "Steely McBeam." No, seriously, they really named him Steely McBeam.

I guess that must mean names like Rod Steel and Stiffy McPole were taken, huh? Let's face it, whoever came up with this name has watched a lot of gay porn in his day. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Let no one say that the Pittsburgh Steelers organization is not innovative. NFL mascot names run the gamut from cuddly ones like "Roary the Lion" to tough-guy monikers like "Captain Fear the Buccaneer," but as the first team mascot whose name was inspired by the adult film industry, Steely definitely breaks new ground.

Deadspin points out the thing I love most about Steely -- the team had a fan vote, and this is the name that won. That's so excellent. The fact that the fans picked the name means one of two things: Pittsburgh fans are either complete idiots, or they have a highly developed postmodern sense of humor.

Based on prior experience attending more than 20 Browns v. Steelers games, I'm strongly leaning toward saying that they're complete idiots. On the other hand, if the fans vote to change the Pirates mascot's name from "Captain Jolly Roger" to "The Butt Pirate," I may have to rethink my entire opinion of them.

In a completely unrelated development, Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin announced the addition of five new members to the Pittsburgh coaching staff.


Hardaway Hates Pittsburgh said...

The name of my blog has been justified. I hope you don't mind me linking to this post.

Hornless Rhino said...

Not at all.

Erik said...

At the risk of being an anti-fluffer, before a Pittsburgh fan finds this post and wreaks havoc, I have to point this out:

Cleveland is the city whose baseball team recently employed a pitcher who actually did star in a gay porno.

We're also the city whose basketball team once had a mascot named Whammer, a polar bear-dog looking thing famous (??) for wearing a periwinkle-blue headband and leg warmers straight out of "Flashdance." Did I mention his name was "Whammer"?

Our baseball mascot is also bright pink. Flaming bright pink.

So, you know, I'm just saying is all...

chocolate starfish said...

Coincidentally, I have just learned that the mascots for the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing are the "Five Friendlies:" Beibei the Fish, Jingjing the Panda, Huanhuan the Olympic Flame, Yingying the Tibetan Antelope, and Nini the Swallow. Really. They are all so excellent ....

I would like to think that the surviving members of Monty Python somehow infiltrated some committee to come up with these whimsical winners, but I'm pretty sure that didn't happen. My guess is that the Five Friendlies will be big sellers in the Steel City ....

Order your Huanhuan and Yingying for the holidays now.

I am told that Dora the Lead-Paint-Based Killer of Three Year Olds just made the

chocolate starfish said...

... er, missed the cut.

Hornless Rhino said...


You're no fun.

As I've always said, what consenting Japanese pitchers do in the privacy of a suburban Tokyo porn studio in front of a video camera is strictly a private matter.

As for Whammer, I offer my sincere regret on behalf of the entire Greater Cleveland area. Is it a defense that the team was owned by a blind guy at the time, so he couldn't see what that, uh, "thing" looked like.

Despite all of that, I keep coming back to the fact that they had a choice, and they chose "Steely McBeam."

The play stands as called.

Hornless Rhino said...

Oh, I almost forgot -- In his list of great homoerotic moments in Cleveland sports history, Erik neglected to mention the photos of Brady Quinn at his sister's wedding dressed up like a member of "The Village People."

Um...I really don't know what to say about those. I really don't.

Anonymous said...

Is it merely a coincidence that 'Steely McBeam' (geezus!) bears a striking resemblence to the recently retired Bill Cowher?