Thursday, October 19, 2006

Terrorists Threaten to Put Browns Fans Out of Their Misery

Some internet terrorist wannabe has threatened to set off dirty bombs at seven NFL stadiums this weekend. Cleveland Browns Stadium is supposedly on the list, which has prompted a very corporate-type "remain calm, all is well" statement from the Browns.

The Department of Homeland Security says that this threat isn't credible, but I plan to take my duct tape with me anyway, just in case. By the way, if you decide not to attend this game because of this threat, you are one ginormous candy ass. I'm afraid that there will in all likelihood be carnage at the stadium this weekend, but unless you're wearing a brown jersey and an orange helmet, my guess is that you've got very little to worry about.

Remember, if you don't wait in line for an hour to get patted down by the highly-trained stadium temp workers for the privilege of watching the underachieving, incompetent and usually boring Cleveland Browns play, the terrorists win. So don't go to the game for yourselves, do it for America--F--k YEAH!!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was expecting more of an Inspector Cluseau analyis on the "7 Stadiums"...there must be a common thread...stop Kateau...

Joey Peeps said...

I nominate "America Fuck Yeah" to be the new National Anthem. Let's face it, Francis Scott Key's poem is a little dated; had he lived in 21st Century America, instead of watching the Brits shell Fort McHenry, his weekends would have consisted of watching NASCAR and going to a Ravens game. He would have been moved to pen something very much like American Fuck Yeah. Plus, most Americans could remember the lyrics, and they'd sing it with gusto at every sporting event.

Ben said...

who wants to wait in long ass inspection lines to watch some Browns-Broncos football! I'm sure it'll totally be worth it for those 2 TDs scored in the game (total).

Chris McVetta said...

To quote Kevin Bacon from "Animal House" and, oh yeah, Romeo Crennel: "Do not panic! All is well! ALL IS WELL!!!"