Sunday, May 21, 2006

Whadda Ya Say We Call It "The Full Cleveland"?

We name disasters like this, right? Red Right 88, the Drive, the Fumble, etc. I suggest that we call this one "The Full Cleveland."

As you may remember, the Full Cleveland is a term that was coined back in the 1970s to describe the particularly unfortunate combination of a polyester suit, white shoes and a white belt. In addition to its ugliness, the Full Cleveland outfit managed to not-so-subtly send a message that its wearer was clueless, incompetent and someone to be pitied.

If today's utterly atrocious performance by the Cavaliers wasn't the basketball equivalent of the Full Cleveland, I can't imagine what would be.

The Cavs shot 38% in the first half. Who would have thought that this would have been the high water mark of their day? LeBron James is the greatest athlete this town has seen since Jim Brown, but he didn't take a shot for nine minutes in the third quarter, and then played the rest of the game like that little hot dog on your kid's 8th grade team that all of the other parents complain about. Still, LeBron was merely bad; judging by their second half performances today, the rest of the Cavs would've been cut from that same 8th grade team.

They scored 61 points in an NBA playoff game. Sixty-one points! The Cavs scored 23 points in the entire second half! The mind reels. Has anyone ever seen a worse offensive display by a playoff team? I don't know if you can find one, but I bet that if you can, it took place well before teams stopped wearing shorty-shorts and canvas Chuck Taylors.

I do know that those 61 points were the lowest output in any Game 7 ever played.

The Pistons were ripe for the taking this afternoon, and the Cavs walked out in their powder blue leisure suits, white shoes and white belts. The had a chance to do something great, but not only did they fail to do that, they also lived up to their new uniforms. They were clueless, incompetent, and a team to be pitied.

2 comments:

Jimbo said...

"The Full Cleveland"...that is great! You should have topped this post off with a pic of some 70's guy in the 'full cleveland' attire. Priceless.

chocolate starfish said...

C'mon, already. This team actually beat the mighty Pistons in 4 of seven games and played beyond the assembled talent level on the floor. Admittedly their offense didn't take the floor for Sunday's second half, but comparison's to The Fumble or The Shot? You lost your horn, brother, not your chicken skin duffle bag, so stop all the nasty. The Cavs deserve better.