Screw the Steelers!

In his column in Saturday's Beacon Journal, Terry Pluto tells us that he's rooting for the Steelers in the Super Bowl tomorrow. He justifies this position with some convoluted logic about Bill Cowher being an ex-Brown and the Rooneys crying some crocodile tears when Modell moved the team.

As you know, I'm a big Pluto fan, but I think my man has suffered some sort of brain hemorrhage. Root for the Steelers? Like HELL!!! I hope they all get VD and gum disease. I hope that big, fat, obese, lard-ass, luckiest fumbler in the universe running back of their's tears the butt out of his football pants and needs an angioplasty. I hope they choke on their Primanti Bros. sandwiches and that their city stays bankrupt for longer than ours did. I hope Big Ben knocked up one of the skanks he was drinking with. I hope Troy Polamalu gets a potentially game winning interception only to be dragged down by his freakin' hair. I hope Viagra doesn't work for any of the Steelers who need it, and I hope that the ones who don't need it father daughters who look like Bill Cowher. I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers. I hate their fans. I hate their city. I hate being in the same time zone that they're in. I wish them and their fans nothing but 40+ years of unrelenting misery, starting tomorrow.

Terry, root for Pittsburgh if you want, but as for me, for four hours tomorrow evening, I am officially the biggest Seahawks fan in America. No offense, but screw Pittsburgh, and if you're rooting for the Steelers, screw you too.

P.S. I don't hate everything about Pittsburgh. For example, I like these people a lot.