Vikings 24, Browns 12

Oh, man, that was awful. All that this truly horrible game needed to be the most disturbing piece of "entertainment" I've ever seen was Gwynneth Paltrow's head in a box.

I think this game may well top the Texans debacle for the Browns' worst performance of the year. There were the usual dismal performances by key players, but what really set this apart was the simply dreadful performance turned in by the coaching staff. Let's review:

• Game planning -- The Browns panicked, and got away from the running game far too early. Yes, it is disturbing to find yourselves down 17-3 in the second half, but there were still almost seven and a half minutes to play in the third quarter when that happened. That left the Browns more than 22 minutes of football to score two touchdowns. Did they need to pass more frequently? Sure, but did you know that they only ran the ball three times after that, including the two point conversion? When they did that, they effectively took their best player out of the game. Any game plan that doesn't take into account the personnel you've got isn't going to be effective. When the coaches put the game in Dilfer's hands, they essentially benched Reuben Droughns.

• Play calling -- This was flat out atrocious. Nothing the Browns did all day made much sense. I'm going to bitch about the fiasco at end of the first half elsewhere, but one of the brain dead things that happened in that series involved play calling. As they tried lamely to get into the end zone on first and goal, the Browns were flagged twice for false starts, but not before the linemen had set up and Dilfer had clearly tipped his hand that he was looking to throw a fade. So, what do they do when they finally get a play off? Of course, they throw a fade. That brings us to the second half, which looked like this: naked bootleg pass to Heiden, pass to Bryant or Edwards, ineffective screen or draw, bring Richardson in to punt. Then, just to rub salt in my wounds, on one of their innumerable 3rd and forevers in the fourth quarter, the Browns actually called a play action pass! If I wasn't so furious, I would have laughed. Who did they think they were kidding? Did they really think they'd get any LB or DB to buy a fake run when they abandoned the running game 20 minutes ago?

• The Abortion at the End of the First Half -- First and goal from the five, 42 seconds left, one time out. The average NFL team would get two solid shots at the end zone, and the ability to call a time out would keep the defense honest, knowing that at least one of those plays could be a run. How many do the Browns get off? One stinking play. Why didn't the Browns have a play called when they picked up the first down? Why didn't Dilfer spike the ball when the Browns didn't have a play called? Why did both receivers, who go on movement of the ball, not sound, jump early? Why did the Browns never change the play after they'd tipped it to the Vikings? Why did they burn the time out after the penalty?

• Charlie Frye -- Trent Dilfer was obviously playing hurt for much of the second half. His injury, his lack of production, or most probably, a combination of the two factors led Crennel to yank him in favor of Frye. However, Frye threw a pick on his first play from scrimmage and never played another down. That leads to one inescapable question: Is Romeo Crennel %$#%ing retarded? What does he hope to accomplish by jerking his QBs around like that? That's a coaching temper tantrum if I ever saw one. In his post-game press conference, Crennel said he went back to Dilfer because he gave the Browns the best chance to win. I'm not a huge fan of hurrying Frye along, but if a healthy Frye doesn't give the Browns a better chance to win than a journeyman with a sprained knee and wrist, why are they wasting a roster spot on him?

But enough about my problems. Congratulations to the Chicago Bears, a reader favorite who brought glory to themselves and joy to their legions of loyal fans with a hard fought 13-10 victory over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. It is hard not to admire the Bears, who not only have peeled off seven straight wins, but have done so with a quarterback who is uglier than the Hornless Rhino, making them the first team to do so since the 1980 Philadelphia Eagles, who rode the cosmetically challenged Ron Jaworski all the way to the Super Bowl. So, as a tribute to their success, here's a link to the Bears' unofficial fight song, "Bear Down Chicago Bears."

P.S. for CBS Sports. On behalf of all high school and youth football coaches across America, I would like to thank you for going out of your way to glorify every helmet to helmet hit that took place in today's game, thereby undoing years of efforts by coaches to convince young players that "your head is not a weapon." Way to go guys. I commend you on your efforts to reverse that disturbing trend of continuing reductions in serious head and neck injuries among young players, you irresponsible jerks.