Pittsburgh Delenda Est

Can there possibly be a more hateful place to a Northeast Ohio sports fan than Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania? While Cleveland teams have labored in utter futility since 1964, Pittsburghers have seen four Super Bowl victories, two Stanley Cup titles, two World Series wins, and an NCAA football national championship.

What's worse, when they do lose, it's to Modell's Ravens or Belichick's Patriots. Not a lot of satisfaction watching that, is there?

They've had great players over the years, but Lady Luck has also definitely smiled on the city's sports teams. Starting with the Immaculate Reception, things have just gone consistently right, most of the time, for Pittsburgh teams. This year, while we've watched the Cavs collapse down the stretch, the Indians' inability to buy a hit against the Chicago White Sox AAA team, and the Browns' last two number #1 picks spending more time at the Cleveland Clinic than Cleveland Stadium, Pittsburgh's run of uncanny good luck has continued.

For example, just last July, when their NHL franchise was on death's door, the Penguins won the Sidney Crosby lottery, and pick up the most highly-touted newcomer to the NHL since, well, Mario Lemieux. That's an extraordinary piece of good fortune for a bankrupt team that plays in the NHL's worst arena. But then, on Monday night, even Steeler-haters cringed when they saw Ben Roethlisberger rolling around on the ground clutching his knee late in the fourth quarter. Now, it looked like the Pittsburgh luck had run dry. When I heard Roethlisberger was going in for an MRI, I'd have bet big money on a torn ACL, since that's been the inevitable result of every MRI conducted on any Cleveland Brown since MRI's were invented.

Of course, because he's a Steeler, Big Ben's MRI showed a bone bruise and a hyperextended knee. In layman's terms, Ben doesn't have a season-ending knee injury, he has a bad boo-boo. The Pittsburgh luck comes through again!

Our sports teams sure as hell ain't going to do it for us, so, my fellow Clevelanders, we've run out of options. Cleveland's Carthage must be destroyed, and its fields sown with salt so nothing will be grown there again. Pittsburgh delenda est!